Tides of progress, linked through moons.

My ship of life, awaiting its blues.

I stood and waited for the waters to carry my ship.

It pushed me away, again and again.

When will this end?

Hello, 2025

Last year was, something, to say the least. There has been a lot of experiences that I wish I could yap about all day, and I’m somewhat relived and glad that things were slowly starting to look better in a lot of areas; even though nothing under my focus was 100% achieved or improved.

I’m still stuck where I am, hiding inside my little cave away from many judging and simple minds. But I don’t feel entirely alone, I’ve had some great friends to lift my burdens and mundanity while I wait in this cave.

Though I suppose I shouldn’t be calling it a cave anymore? I’ve experienced two things that kinda took me out of my shell a bit. First was my mother, extending her warmth to me to reminds me that I’m not truly ever alone. Then was a story, a very

story.

I feel like a Hatchling, or Crustacean; hiding in the dark for so long, before the sea started calling for me. My shell is still stuck to me, for my protection for course, but I’m glad I’ve been pulled out of that cave and was allowed to experience raw emotions finally. I may feel the numbness of that shell coming back onto me, to protect me, but I look forward for the day I can get to let it go, and experience these emotions once again freely.

Will this new year let me find hope to get out of my shell finally? Who knows, but hopefully it will.

I watched the moon, white and bright,

smaller each day, no sign of might.

Lighthouses signaled through the night,

Their light beams, like whispers, frail yet polite.

Oh, coded light. Why are you telling me my ship was lost?

Your familiar flashes, recount the beach where I was tossed.

Do you see the wreckage I hide inside?

The fractured hull, the scars I confide?

Why are you mirroring the one I hide?

The one I protect, from simple minds.

Media I really enjoyed in 2024

2024 made me feel like Pyrocynical’s commissions, in a sense that I ate good this year, and he probably would soyjack-point at me just like how I’ll be pointing when talking about some of the media that I’ve been consuming this year. (Enjoy the mental image)

Despite all what happened around AI this year, the only thing I think we’ve truly lost was the sequel for Into the Spider-verse. It’s shame because it was one of the very few super-hero movies that I was looking forward to.

But do you know what I’ve been recently looking forward to everyday now? The magical world of CRACK COCAIN. Joking. I’ve been playing Baltaro.. and yes, I got addicted. It’s one of those games that I never thought I’d ever enjoy, but it due to it’s clever design and very solid gameplay that makes me brain go “hmm”; it earned my seal of approval. I just wish I didn’t get addicted to it before my exams though..

I’ve also been introduced to Mistborn, which is a series of books written by Brandon Sanderson. I was honestly very hesitant at first to get into yet another fantasy setting, because I’ve kinda got burnt out/bored by the genre due to me experiencing what is essentially the same formula and concepts since I was born. Mistborn is original, and it’s wacky in its own way. You should give it a read if you want to break out of the very samey fantasy settings and tropes we’ve been exposed to for a while now; and I should probably finish reading it next year. Whoops.

Speaking of fantasy settings that try to stand out and be original. Dungeon Meshi. You know those people on Twitter who constantly post clips of cooking in anime? This show/manga is basically made for them. Though I would say the most delicious thing that came out from the anime was the amount of art people made around it. If I had the money and means to commission people, I would have definitely got more art for Kabru and Thistle.

While we’re on the topic of spending money on media. This year, for the first time in my life, I’ve spent money on a free-2-play game; despite my hard stance on never doing so. Warframe however became the exception due to how much I’ve fallen in love with this game.

There is very rarely any free-2-play with an live service component that didn’t feel like it kept trying to mug me at some point. Warframe on the other hand, felt like a breath of fresh air; where they actively went out of their way to make me, the player, just enjoy the game at my own pace; and not constantly try to hypnotize me to buy a flashy skin or buy a battlepass (which is funny, because the warframe battlepass is actually 100% free and they never charge any money for it). Warframe felt like it offered a lot, with very few demands; so when I had some funds in my steam wallet one day, I used some of the remaining money to buy some platinum to support the devs. They deserve it.

I think another developer I would love to give money to if I ever had the chance and ability would be the developer of Voices Of The Void. I’m a sucker for immersive games that suck you in, and votv did get me into the habit of cleaning my room more frequently because of how much time I would spend cleaning my own base in that game.

Speaking of habits, I’ve gotten into this new habit of recording a lot of what I enjoy nowadays. You might have even noticed that from me posting a lot of clips on my bluesky or my scrobbled feed on LastFM, I’d like to be more open with myself and other people. Obviously you’re not going to see me talking about every detail of my life or start a vlogging channel tomorrow, but I’d at least like to find connection from putting my experiences out there, and hoping that other people who are similar to me can find it and feel connected to it.. like one story that one story that kinda left a mark on me this year and made me feel connected and heard;

Your light, constantly hiding my stars.

Your island, greener than my walls.

Your mark, more visible than my scars.

I yearned for the stars that you hide.

But one day, you pointed where I wouldn’t lie.

We were the same, in an infinite space.

The stars I sought, were beneath my own place.

We sail in the void, alone and tired.

We all are unwanted, hated and exiled.

The moon grew blue, for once I was ecstatic,

No tides came, but a connection was established.

No faces shown, behind the stories we told.

Yet we saw through each other, strangers to one another.

New years resolution?

I think new years resolutions are pretty dumb.

We’re always constantly trying to improve ourselves and seek new goals to achieve, but some things just don’t work out due to various different factors that we simply cannot control. You can start doing whatever you want to do now, no need to wait for the new year, and no need to put a time limit on it. Just take your time, things will work out in the end.

Though, I suppose I do have a checklist of stuff that I wish would happen in 2025.. Like:

• Leaving Egypt
• Unitystation gets at least a consistent 20 player pop every Saturday.
• I start working on my own game, not a mod, not a game-jam entry, an original new full fledged game.
• Get a job that pays well, since the Unitystation paycheck is not enough for me anymore due to inflation and college.
• Draw at least ONE very good piece of art that I’d be proud of.
• Make music again.
• Finish reading mistborn
• Fishing watching Suits
• Finish at least 8 games out of my steam playlist.
• Pray a lot more
• Skateboard more
• Find more books to read
• Become a small e-cleb on bluesky
• Finish working on some of the easter eggs that are planned for this website
• Work on my achieve thing.
• Have a way to rent a VPS to host some projects and my own unitystation server.
• Getting a laptop
• Creating a media PC for my family in the living room so we can watch movies and play video games there.
• Get back into Dota 2 or CS2
• Lose 20 Kilograms
• Teach my dogs how to NOT destroy my room so I can finally allow them in and use them as space heaters for the winter.
• Getting my mom a very nice gift for her birthday
• Spend more time with my grandma
• Reach mastery level 18 in warframe
• Get back into voice acting
• • Finding a way to voice train without my family listening in.
• Buy more hoodies and comfy pants
• Contribute more PRs to Godot.
• Organize my files a lot more.
• Catalogue all the poems that I write.

…This list kinda echos my point that I made at the start, all of this doesn’t necessarily require the label of “new years resolution”. These are things that I can do now or already trying to achieve. They’re just stuff that I’ll eventually get to achieving one day.

I guess my real new year’s wish is that 2025 doesn’t become the last year that I can do these things.

I suppose I owe you a thank you, for I’ve always been about perspectives

You’ve altered my perception of you, and now you’re like an imperfective.

The sea, once vast and endless, now feels small,

A shimmering surface, a veil to the infinite,

A mirror reflecting the void where we all fall.

What was once a boundary, a limit of my sight,

Now stretches beyond the horizon’s reach,

The waves no longer crash against my soul,

But dissolve into the vastness of a cosmic beach.

Final thoughts

Hm. 2025. For a while I’ve been very meh about the concept of time, as everything just felt the same. This year, I kinda felt time; though only at the very end.

I’m looking forward to when the new year comes, when the clock ticks and the 4 turns into a 5. Haven’t looked forward to that since I was a stupid kid.

Things might look better next year, or worse, who knows. But for tonight, I’m looking forward to something; because I feel alive.

There’s a lot I want to talk about, but I’m sending this blog post off with a smile while it lasts on my face. Don’t want to dwell on the bad, just remember the good.

I wish all my friends a happy new year. I wish you, the reader, a happy new year.

~Maxine

I saw fire lanterns fly off your Island, and for a moment I thought that one would come to me like in your story; but nothing reached me.

No one knows where I am, or if I exist. I doubt you do too.

Your light house seems to be drifting away from me everyday, but that’s okay. I see several more islands all drifting towards and away from me.

Each light house tells a story, some align with who I am; and others.. not so much.

But we’re not really alone in this void. We just haven’t met yet.

I’ll build a light house on my own island someday, and help other stranded souls like you did for me.

But if my ship got pulled by the tides, or another lantern helped me off this Island; please, forgive my selfishness.

I don’t want to be stranded.